Alter Angel's World

2003-04-28T09:30:00.000-05:00

This blog has moved!'

http://www.redbudtree.com/blog/

2003-04-24T00:11:00.000-05:00

A funeral for a love
That never was
But could have been
Potential
Nipped before its time
A bloom extinguished
Bloom diminished
A death before a birth
A funeral for a love
A love that never was

Fresh starts
New faces
Old stories all new again
True confessions,
Passions racing through our veins
Slams to a bloody halt
A funeral for a love
That never was

Hearts strangely warmed
Phones always answered
Music so meaningful
Time flies so fast
Suddenly out of control
Somethings not right here
It all seems so tragic
Feels foolish to mourn
To cry for a love that was not yet born
So lets cry for the hope that was lost

A funeral for a love
That never was
But could have been
Potential
Nipped before its time
A bloom extinguished
Bloom diminished
A death before a birth
A funeral for a love
A love that never was

2003-04-20T16:12:00.000-05:00

I know from my studies that the two things that NON CHRISTIANs equate with the church--
they think the church is out to get their money and they think the church is BORING. zzzzzzzzzzzzz

By a weird quirk of fate, I had no duties this Easter morning. I am a seminary student and this is probably the last Easter I will sit in a pew with my family. I attend a large traditional church.

So, I asked someone that I know who is not a Christian to come to church with me. I knew the message would be evangelistic. I love our church and I have been witnessing for several years to this person and they are very cynical and feel that the church is all about money. Normally our church isn't. I was so surprised that this person finally agreed to attend.

Well, of all Sundays, the powers that be, felt the church calendar couldn't be arranged any better so THEY STARTED A NEW CAPITAL FUNDS CAMPAIGN and BORED the whole congregation right at the beginning of the service with ten minutes of talk of new committees and fund raising and money talk about new buildings and programs..................

needless to say, it confirmed everything that my friend had said was wrong with the church.... Several years of witnessing were undone in no time flat...

the sermon was great, but because they had wasted so much time with the other "junk" the service lasted so long, no one listened to the sermon, everyone just wanted to get the service over and get on with the day. Including my friend, who was beyond bored. He couldn't wait to escape and didn't even want to eat dinner with us afterward.
As for me, my heart broke. When I asked the Pastor about it, he said they couldn't do it any other way, the calendar wouldn't let them. I asked them when the calendar became more important than people's souls and he said he couldn't discuss it, I'd understand all that soon enough.

I tell you, I hope someone shoots me if I ever understand that. I am a mid life seminarian and that is precisely why I am in seminary. When we forget why WHO and Why Christ died because we are so caught up in our day runners and Calendars and committees, we have missed the point altogether.

Matt16:26 "For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?

2003-04-17T12:57:00.000-05:00

Pensive--
I think that would be the word for the day. I think of the picture I have seen of the native american woman standing in the moonlight releasing the the dove. Yes, I am that woman. Releasing old pain...old hurts, letting go....

Do I believe in love at first sight? Just ask Kansas....my friend that is... not the state (smile). What a rush, instant, deep, suddenly a knowing....forever...as if we'd always known.... We always will... tied, joined, two hearts that beat as one. Funny how that is.

Do I believe in a love that sneaks up on me? URGH, just ask Robin......Deep, torrid, accepting, like a waterfall and just as dangerous and rough. Changes the landscape of my life just as profoundly.

Love for a season? Ah yes, dancing on the pier, under the moonlight, the light of LA, feeling as if the world was made just for us. That I was the most beautiful woman on earth. Intoxicating, addicting, distructive, invigorating yet only for a season.....Love like that, too long, would kill someone....Love in light of the year of the comet...

Love, such a powerful emotion, the inspiration of poets, authors,
Love, the inspiration that led my Savior to the cross for me
That very same passion, yet so much stronger still

2003-04-15T00:04:00.000-05:00

So I went sailing yesterday with Richard. I took an inventory tonight of all the bruises I accumulated on my legs and such from the boat. No matter how careful I am, I come away bruised. Sorta like our marriage I guess. No matter what the man did, he ended up bruising my heart. Sometimes he did it on purpose, most of the time he did it without thinking. Most of the time it was just because he didn't take the time to care to stop and think about what he was saying or to even pay attention to me at all. I hold no anger toward him. Especially now that I have no expectations toward him. I was angry when I expected him to care and make an effort to be a husband. Now he makes an ok friend.

I still wonder if I gave my love away to the wrong people. A non renewable resource. I feel empty of romantic love, like it may never return again. I was afraid that might happen-- That I might love with so very much that it would be gone-- that person would be so stupid to not even see what a gift I was giving and at what cost I gave it.... but oh well, it is not a gift if it comes with strings attached.... past is past...sigh... My life is rich now, just the colors are not as intense as they once were.

Is courage a spirtual gift?

I talked to an old friend today. Glenn said that it is not bad to find someone and marry just because they fit the job discription. HA!! I won't write what I am thinking.....

2003-04-14T18:51:00.000-05:00

I was thinking how much modern Iraq must be like ancient Israel was when Christ entered Jersaleum that Palm Sunday. I remember James mentioning something about the Iraqis dancing in the streets for whatever reason, only known to them (we interpret it as we will) and I think about how jubilant those first century people must have felt when they thought of Jesus. They thought, "WOW, he is the MESSIAH, OUR LIBERATOR" -- in their minds they were picturing political subversion. They were finally going to throw off those hated Romans. Iraqis saw American and British tanks, blasting through and knocking their way past Saddam's Troops.

Richard told me of an interview in which it was mentioned that almost each and every family in Iraq had lost a family member to murder by Saddam's forces. Yes, that is oppression.

We can imagine the joy in the faces of the Jews as they waved their palm fronds! They really were hailing a new king! A new regime! Hey, not a democracy, no one had heard of one of those yet, but still, one in which their God was in power at least.
But what does Jesus do? He has no interest in pleasing anyone (at least anyone human). He isn't after the rich or powerful. He makes fun of their ideas. He really does have a sense of irony. Instead of entering Jersaleum as a king, he rides a foal of an ass. Could he have gotten any lower? They still insist on hailing him as king. He never tells them he is their king. He quotes Scriptures alluding to the kingdom and the King to come. He never denies that he is the one that the Scriptures speak of. It is clear that the crowd is expectant, but for all the wrong reasons. They want a miracle. They want a warrior king. They enjoyed the anger of Jesus as he throws the money changers from the temple. That was an energy they could rally behind. It doesn't take much for a crowd to turn ugly. Soon their cries turned from "Hosanna!" to "Crucify Him"!

I wonder at the people here in the U.S. who shake their head in amazement at the Iraqi looters! It was no different in Jersaleum. When Jesus offered no resistance during his arrest, the crowd grew ugly. When Jesus refused to do parlor tricks, the crowd was no longer entertained. They wanted salvation their way, or no way at all. Their terms or nothing. His weakness was disgusting, embarrasing, he certainly was no king of the Jews. So, under that Ironic Title, he was crucified. That we should be so righteous. Here in the US, looters go wild if the power goes off in major cities. We are no better than our brethern in Iraq.

I suggest that as we are not so much better today than we were so many years ago. We have advanced technologically but basically human nature is the same as it ever was. Dictatorships still rise and fall. Christ is still needed as much today as he was then.

2003-04-12T23:50:00.000-05:00

well, it has been a VERY LONG DAY for me and tomorrow hearlds the start of a long week, Holy Week. I am reflecting on many things today, including my friend James' thoughts at Love During War Time I haven't taken the time to figure out the stylesheet on this blog to fix it nice and neat so that you can get to his site real easy, but do visit it soon.

Anyhow, James things I was saying that all imperialist language is due to King James. Unfortunately, he and I spend little time together so we didn't get to really explore the whole concept. CHRIST is considered Lord, but there are many cases in which is is NOT that way in the orignial languages. There are many descriptions of God in feminine form as well as masculine. There actually is a book called Jesus as C.E.O. I think is was popular before all these business scandals happened.... Reminds me that I saw a book not too long ago called "What would Jesus Eat".... My redheaded daughter and I just looked at each other, our sense of sacrasm could hardly be contained, I mean, the man only lived to be 33 or so. I hardly think I'd recommend the diet.....anyhow, I digress....

And the struggle to see Jesus as he is.....and the struggle to see and find the risen Christ is always there. If it were easy, everyone would have "their own person pocket savior (glo in the dark) to guide them. Unfortunately, he has chosen to remain ambiguious. Maybe to make us think, maybe to test our faith, who knows why?

As far as pascal lamb, if we try to sanitiz our religion, try to clean it up we only water it down. We don't understand it, but without the cross, without the sacrifice, without the price, why bother at all?

As far as James, thinking he is unorthodox in his views, he isn't so unusual at all. And so what if he is? God has certainly heard it before!

2003-04-11T16:50:00.000-05:00

So, what are the headlines today?
Newsday
"Police Commissioner Ray Kelly said Thursday he had ordered an end
to the recent department practice of questioning arrested anti-war
protesters about prior political activity." (4/11/03)

Rumsfeld Suggests Iraq Looting Is a Phase

Somehow I think I am stuck in a time warp here (shades of Rocky Horror music please....) . I have had my share of Feds sitting outside my door in the past and not for protesting anything. Makes me wonder if the whole Iraq thing was just another excuse to take even more civil liberties away. .... There is this headline from yesterday...
1- Congressional GOPers working to make Patriot Act permanent
----------
SF Gate
"Congressional Republicans, working with the Bush administration,
are maneuvering to make permanent the sweeping anti-terrorism
powers granted to federal law enforcement agents after the attacks
of Sept. 11, 2001 ..."

Of course, my kids think I have gone bonkers anyhow. We woke up way too early to meet with the preacher for their upcoming wedding and I had hymns on the CD player. Now I don't usually play hymns at all, especially traditional hymns and certainly not first thing in the morning. What is worse, I played them a hymn with full bagpipe arrangement and told them I wanted it played at my funeral. Yep, between my thesis set in the Civil War and this blasted War, I have spent to much time thinking for the depravity of mankind. What I really need is some rich man to take me off to some desert island and feed me alcoholic beverages and blah, blah.... distract me from all my responsiblities....

2003-04-11T10:00:00.000-05:00

Dream-- Two nights in a row I have had a dream of Babylon-- It woke me up. I have heard many sermons and I know there was speculation about how the book of Esther does not belong in the Bible because it does not mention God but at 3 am it dawned on me that it didn't need to mention God because Esther represents the Christ figure in a way, but then, I don't suppose most fundamentalist would want a woman to represent Christ in any way....

2003-04-11T09:51:00.000-05:00

Sunday nite James and I went to a John McCutcheon concert in which McCutcheon sang a very powerful song called "NOT IN MY NAME" in which he talked about things (such as war and capital punishment, the crusades and such). I thought about my Christian History class and how distastful studying the crusades were. The movie we watched in class about the crusades was actually a Monty Python one and even that was uncomfortable. Our teacher Ellen Blue has warned us that the study of Christian History can lead us to cynicism and despair if we are not careful. I personally hate the study of the Reformation for that very reason. While many see it as a time of hope, I don't see much difference in the actions of the reformers than I do in the actions of the inquistion. They all murdered those who did not agree with them. I can only conclude how offended God must be by what humans do in His name.

This of course comes on the tail of two executions here in Oklahoma. Normally I don't suppose these would touch my realm of being but having personal ties with the AG office, this brings such and emotional flood of feelings to the forefront. No where in my being can I think that two wrongs can make a right. Be it capital punishment, war, lying, etc. It seems that once these things start their merry way, they just escalate out of control and grow a life of their own.

My life has been moving forward, yet it seems to be on hold in a way since the war broke out. Maybe it is intensified. Having a son over in the middle east, wondering if this will scar him, ruin his cheerful soul, poision him like his father. I lost one man to a war. I lost the kids dad to Vietnam. I don't want to loose another to a blasted war. I wish I could say that the enemy killed Gary, but our government killed him...Agent Orange.... a long, slow death.... not to mention the babies that died, fortunately not with me, but with his former wife, a couple stillborn, one lived a week, multitude of miscarriages....

My disciples history class concluded my mixed feelings made me a perfect pastor. Because I could so easily identify with all sides of the equation, I can minister to all. I don't know. Sometimes I equate that with being wishy washy. I see my calling in the world to heal the broken hearted ( or at least attempt to offer Christs grace and healing). I see the world as broken.

2003-04-11T07:42:00.000-05:00

So, who am I? A writer I suppose. More on that later. My friend James has a blog and I suppose he has inspired me to start a blog of my own. He takes me to all sorts of places that writers love. The greasy spoon resturants that populate paper back novels, etc. We have good conversations. I go home and write snatches of them down for future use in future novels. He certainly takes me out of my circles to places I don't usually go ( in good ways). I suppose that is the greatest benefit in having friends that are different that yourself. So, we shall see where this bit of web space goes in the future..
Angel